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| And you’re shining in the distance. I hope I can make it through.  Keep your mouth shut when I'm drunk. I hate the person I become when you're not around. I like me better when we talk it all over. If there was ever a time I needed you, it's right now. I believe in a long-winded mind. Most nights I putter out like an over-worked, under oiled engine, staring at a quivering candle, consciousness fading, as I slowly float to sleep. My distorted reality paints a wonderfully deranged pattern. Doubt does strange things to people like us. We hold each other tighter now that the news is in. You're learning to live alone in a home full of holes with two good reasons to find hope. One of these days I'll unwind this watch, and live for you and you alone. | | |
| "I saw that my life was a vast glowing empty page and I could do anything I wanted."
Jack Kerouac
Well, I couldn't stand to be in that place, I was just about to leave when I saw your face. You were laughing at me with your beautiful mouth. You said, "You're looking miserable, do you wanna get out?"
Last night, my mind dreamt across eight state lines to lull into dreams of sleeping, lying, but not so alone this time.
Could you feel it when I stole covers, kissed your neck and wished you one goodnight?
  
He is more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same... If all else perished and he remained, I should still continue to be, and if all else remained, and we were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger...He's always, always in my mind; not as a pleasure to myself, but as my own being.
-Emily Bronte, Wuthering Heights
And every second is electric like a thousand volts. Not to mention, my intention's only natural and your affection is the question.
Why do you cry when you know how the story ends? How can you laugh when you know that it hurts your friends? We've all been there once, but you never left. This is me coming back to get you out to say goodbye, to make amends.
I'm not leaving this place, unless I'm leaving with you.
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| Destroy roofs, walls. See into all the rooms at once.
Let's stay awake and listen to the dark. Before the birds, before they all wake up. It's the ending of a play and soon begins another. Hear the leaves applaud the wind. See the sun come rising and white wings start to fly, like strings of pearls in the firey sky. I don't want to close my eyes, don't want to leave the stage now, as the leaves applaud our stay. Lend me yours wings and teach me how to fly. Show me when it rains, the place you go to hide. And the curtains draw again and bow - another day ends. The leaves applaud the wind.
A putrid stench of ignorance spreads around you, walking in the wrong direction - it seems you have no clue. Your stupid remarks pollute the air I breathe. You're a walking talking parasite on decency you feed.
You can search the world over, but I can take it to the moon.
'Cause if you’re looking for love, I’m standing right in front of you.
"What if, some day or night, a demon were to steal after you into your loneliest loneliness and say to you: 'this life as you now live it and have lived it, you will have to live once more and innumberable times more.' ... would you not throw yourself down and gnash your teeth and curse the demon who spoke ths? Or have you once experienced a tremendous moment when you would have answered him: 'You are a god and never have I heard anything more divine.'" | | |
| "We won’t quarrel, baby. I love you too much. But don’t be a fool."
-A Farewell to Arms
I woke up this morning hoping I'd dreamed it all, but apparently not. I've been cheated on by many a man and lied to by many a woman. But the truth is; this betrayal from you of all people is the worst. I hope you know these repercussions are extending way beyond what you narrowly see right now. You've destroyed any relationship we'll ever have because you chose someone like that over the ones who actually cared.
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| 
Kris returned:
His voice rings throughout me as if my body is the wire of a telephone, electrical currents and lovely sound waves colliding. Amusing it is, how once you desire to breathe the entire world to its knees, you cannot. It is a dream, oh it must be a dream. The spontaneous gestures, quick eyes, and the edge of a cliff close in the distance. Should I? Should I not? I could, I could not - a tumble of inhalation catches once in my throat, choking on too sharp and accurate words.
He loves, he says, and he loves in a way that is deeper than the deepest of pockets and seas. He titles myself becomingly beautiful and tells stories of truths I once made. I wander, would climb the entirety of the east coast by finger nail and toe for the ability to sleep next to you this evening. If you would let me, I would sacrifice the world I carry upon my shoulders, only to be part of yours. Caught my phrases in his palms and twirls them as if they were strands of my golden filaments. Caught me when I forced myself from the highest of sky scrapers, stood beneath me and my broken wings, I cannot lose you. That is what he said, "I cannot lose you."
I told her, "I have loved him for the longest time, have never been so full of joy, cannot speak of the things I do not understand yet."
You could never know. | | |
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